Heal
by movienerd1174
Summary: HEAL /hēl/ verb: to make healthy, whole, or sound; restore... takes place after 21x10 Must Be Held Accountable


**Welcome to my SECOND rollisi fic... this is a one shot based after the end of 21x10 MBHA. ENJOY! **

HEAL /hēl/ _verb__**: **_to make healthy, whole, or sound; restore

Closing the door to Billie's bedroom quietly, Amanda's bare feet padded against the hallway floor as she made her way to the living room. Her blonde hair, still damp from her shower, was piled on top of her head in a messy bun. The maroon knit sweater she was wearing dwarfed her, the hem of it falling just below her cotton sleep shorts.

The light from over the stove filtered into the dark living room, casting a faint glow on a sleeping Carisi on the couch. Despite the events of the day, the sight of Jessie cuddled against Sonny's chest made the heaviness on her heart lighten.

The trauma was still so fresh, every nerve in her body was raw and tingling. During her time with Bucci, the thought of never seeing her girls or Carisi ever again crossed her mind. Many times. And here they were, both in front of her. They were safe. She was _safe._

Reaching the couch, the corner of her lips pulled up at the sight of him. His mouth was parted in the slightest, a soft snore escaping his lips every time he took a breath. Some of the graying strands of his hair that were normally slicked back fell forward onto his forehead. He had his arms cradling Jessie to him tenderly, his large hands making her baby girl look smaller than she already was.

It was times like this that she let her mind wander to the possibility of her and Carisi. In the early morning hours when the apartment is quiet and the girls are asleep. She would never admit that to anyone but the sight before her made the thoughts too loud to ignore.

Reaching her hand out, she pushed his hair back, letting her fingertips run through the silver strands. He stirred then, his dark eyelashes fluttering from his cheekbones. His eyes focused on her as he breathed in deeply through his nose, stretching one arm above his head.

"Hey", he croaked as he sat up, making sure Jessie was still snuggled tightly to his chest.

Her hand fell to his shoulder as he straightened. "Mind if I steal her?" She asked, nodding towards Jessie. There was a coarseness in her voice he had never heard before. His eyes looked from her to the spot on the couch next to him, waiting for her to sit down so he can hand her Jessie.

With a small eye roll, she reached for Jessie. "I'm not made of glass, Carisi." She sighed, lifting her toddler into her arms.

The girl clung to her mother even in her sleep, her tiny legs wrapped around her torso and her little arms around her neck. Amanda's arms wrapped around Jessie's small body, burying her face in her sweet neck. She rocked back and forth from foot to foot, humming into her daughter's hair as she moved around the room.

Leaning forward, Sonny rested his elbows on his knees as he watched Amanda sway in the middle of the living room. Worry weighed heavy on his shoulders. Even though she was safe, the urge to protect her, physically and emotionally, was still overwhelmingly strong.

Pressing his clasped hands to his lips, he tried to fight the tears that prickled at the corner of his eyes. They were tears of what could have been but more importantly they were tears of relief. He looked up at her and his eyes met hers, both pairs shining with unshed tears visible from across the room.

Moving towards the couch, she stopped in front of Sonny. So close that his bent leg was in between her bare ones. He looked up at her, trying his best to manage a smile from behind his hands.

The arm that wasn't holding Jessie reached out and wrapped around his head as he buried his face in her stomach. His hands circles the back of her knees, his rough fingertips raising goosebumps across the back of her thighs. She felt his shoulders shake and his breath quicken through the material of her sweater, the emotion washing over her was practically paralyzing. It had seemed that Carisi's soft sobs had just sudsibed as hers came rushing to the surface.

Black spots littered her vision and the fingertips that were buried in the soft hair at the back of his head started to numb. Her chest tightened as her heart raced and before she knew it, he was surrounding her.

Standing from the couch, he took them both in his arms and held them. She turned her face into his chest, trying her best to muffle her sobs so they wouldn't wake the young girl between them.

"Shhhh", Sonny whispered into her hair, his warm breath surrounding them. Gently taking Jessie from her arms, he laid her down on a the plush arm chair and covered her with a blanket before returning to her mother.

"You're okay", he reassured, his large hand pushing back the bangs from her face before taking her in his arms again.

Amanda's breaths were puffing against him; rapid and shallow, a sure sign of impending hyperventilation. "Relax, Mand." He soothed into her hair as he pulled her down on the couch, never letting her go in the process. "Breathe with me." He was sitting back against the arm of the couch with her leaning against his chest, inhaling and exhaling slowly and steadily. Once his words registered, she suspended her breathing to match his. The rise and fall of his chest as calming as a tranquil ocean.

Pulling away slightly, she looked up at him, her eyes red and her bottom lip trembling. "All I kept thinking when I was with Bucci is that Jessie's first memory is going to be her mother being murdered." She looked over at the girl snuggled in the plush chair. So pure, so innocent. "I just...", she choked on a sob.

"Hey", he whispered, his lips against her temple. "You're safe now."

Sighing, she tilted her head up and looked at the ceiling. "I don't think I'll ever feel safe again."

Wrapping his arms a little bit tighter around her body, he tucked her head underneath his chin. "I'll do what I can to help with that." With a content exhale, Amanda settled against his chest. Her fingertips mindlessly tapped his forearm in time with the dull thud of his heartbeat under her ear.

After several minutes, her breathing had slowed and Carisi was almost sure she had fallen asleep when her raspy voice broke the silence. "I had a dream", she mumbled against his shirt. "When he was driving us upstate."

Her words hung in the still air of the living room. "What about?" he asked into her hair, his hand slowly running up the sweater material covering her arm.

"You and the girls... after I was gone." She revealed.

Shifting on the couch, Carisi tried to pull back. "Rollins, I don't wa..."

"Just listen" she hummed softly as she would to one of her girls. She sat up and back on her heels next to him, so close that her knees pressed against the side of his thigh.

Pulling the sleeves of her sweater over her hands, she placed them on her bare legs and took a beat to look around the apartment. "You were living here with them. They were older, Jessie just barely a teenager. She was giving you a hard time because you wouldn't let her make an account on one of those stupid video apps. She was feisty but so beautiful." She sighed dreamily with a twinkle in her blue eyes.

"Wonder where she gets that", he chuckled, his lips quirking up on one side.

Her eyes gleamed in the low lighting in the apartment when they landed on him. "You weren't just a father figure, you were their _dad,_ ya know?"

The breath caught in his throat and he couldn't fight the smirk that tugged at his lips. "Amanda", he breathed, almost in a warning. There's no way she could know the effect her words were having on him.

She paused, her fingertips dancing against her lips as she searched for the words that somehow escaped her. "You were... just everything I've ever wanted for the girl's... but you were also everything I've wanted for myself." His heart pounded in his chest and her shining eyes in the low light of the room didn't help the matter.

Bringing his hand to the side of her neck, Carisi swiped his thumb along her cheekbone. She held onto his wrist as she turned her head and placed a kiss to the center of his palm. A warm heat spread throughout his body at the feeling of her lips. At the moment he wasn't quite sure where they stood but he knew how he felt.

Leaning forward, he placed the sweetest kiss against the apple of her cheek. His lips were so soft and lingered against her skin for what felt like ages. She closed her eyes and let his warm breath surrounded her as he exhaled.

Wrapping his arms around her thin frame, he leaned back and brought her with him so she was half laying on him and half laying between his outstretched legs. "Just relax, anything else can wait." He murmured into her hair. She settled against him and inhaled contently, the slight odor of cologne clung to the threads of his dress shirt.

Sonny grabbed a blanket from the back of the couch and covered Amanda with it before laying a kiss against her fragrant, damp hair. With the warmth of his body surrounding her, she did something she thought would be impossible for a long time.

She fell asleep instantly.

**Please let me know what you think! I haven't written these two very many times so I hope I stayed true to their characters. Until next time :)**


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